I can appreciate and relate to different pieces of the various stories. It’s a reminder the issues we deal with are common among all people. Knowing this provides a bit of comfort. We’re not alone, and there IS a solution.

Maria: Is she taking responsibility for Stan’s feelings and avoiding doing what she knows she needs to? Is she willing to suffer with resentment herself if it means his feelings aren’t hurt? Maybe she’s thinking more about how she’ll feel if he doesn’t like what she says?

David – Consider the impact his bad feelings about himself have, on both himself and his family. How we think about ourselves doesn’t just impact us, it affects others, too.

Ryan – He’s overwhelmed and lost his joy. Where does joy come from? Where is Ryan looking for it? Where do I? Where do you? Why do we lack it sometimes?

Sophie – A lack of focus and undirected enthusiasm isn’t productive or fulfilling, usually. It impacts our relationships, too. Sophie has an opportunity to examine that in her life. When we do that, we learn so much. We can keep what we like and change what we don’t.

Sarah – Sarah is stuck and unsure what to do, so she does nothing. Confusion is sneaky like that. When we don’t understand something or explore what the next step could be, we determine shutting down or doing nothing is what we should do. That doesn’t work, though.

Kevin – Kevin can’t take his own performance to the next level; he knows it’s possible and yet he doesn’t create that reality for himself. Does he really think he can’t? Does he know that he can? How is he evaluating his own performance throughout the day? How do I? How do you?

Question: How do I relate to these people? How do you?

THE CORE PROBLEM—There is a CORE problem. We don’t just look externally at our performance to identify it, though. The performance reveals there is a problem, but it’s not actually in the performance itself. It’s on the inside. 

We have to look a little deeper to find the problem and the solution. That can be both a relief, knowing the solution is there, and a little scary, to go looking for what is unknown. Or maybe, what we know is there, but don’t want to face. 

Something I’ll use: The solution is like a “magic bullet” or “path.” Paths have different ground conditions; rocky, smooth, bits of debris, bumpy, twists, straightaways, turns, etc. We walk it, but attentively, watching out for obstacles in certain parts and doing what we need to navigate our way along it. 

The walk along the path isn’t always easy. BUT! I do like there is one solution that will “do the trick!” THAT’S ENCOURAGING! 

THE ONE SOLUTION—One solution applied to any area of my ONE life. I like simple. 

I appreciated this reality: One underlying issue of many people’s problems is a lack of boundaries and it’s one of the biggest issues that all of us will face in life.

Boundaries provide the structure to our character that will “make everything else work.” What a great reality and an appealing benefit to setting and maintaining boundaries.

I love this statement: “Truly happy, relationally fulfilled, and achieving people know that and are able to live it out.” I want to be that person. Do you? Are you? What would make it so?

I believe this: We are supposed to develop a defined character and identity with established boundaries. I like that. If I’m designed for it, then it must be possible!

Major nugget. Author wrote: “In order to develop these boundaries—and to become the person you want to be, or to develop in the areas in which you need work—you will need to grow in your ability to be in control of yourself. You must get to the things that are eroding your personal power, motivation, drive, autonomy, freedom, good aggression, and initiative. And to do that, you are going to need the internal structure that provides that kind of architecture for your character. If that sounds like a lot, it is not.” 

I like the “building” language. “Architecture.” I am the builder of my life. I’m in control of it.

Go a Little Deeper: In learning to control myself I will be examining things that erode my personal power, motivation, drive, autonomy, freedom, good aggression, and initiative. It’s usually that core emotion, fear. People-pleasing, perfectionism, and procrastination all spring from fear. Good to examine that and take control of it so it doesn’t control me.

The Past: “The obstacles that prevent a person from becoming a structured and defined character take root when the normal developmental path is interrupted, hindered, broken, or not properly resourced in some way.” This demands our full attention.

To Apply: Name the obstacles that prevented you from developing a defined character and healthy boundaries. But! The obstacles can’t remain as excuses. Understand them as reasons and then, remove them as obstacles so you can set yourself up for success. Excuses and obstacles keep us from becoming something great.

My Thought/Question: For many, work is where we spend most of our hours in the week, and our work is important, but aren’t the other areas of our life, too? Why do we neglect the other important areas? It’s as if we are sacrificing our whole selves by putting additional stress and energy on the one area? Why do we do that?

THE APPROACH—

Thought: I appreciate his focus on our overall well-being and the importance of living an integrated life, from a strong core, to create the life we were designed to live. One life, to be lived well.